


Reflections of life

by jig_chan



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Crossover, M/M, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-01
Updated: 2012-07-01
Packaged: 2017-11-08 22:39:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/448336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jig_chan/pseuds/jig_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron Hotchner looks into a mirror and sees the different lives he could have lived. They all have something in common: Spencer Reid is by his side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> I posted the parts on Tumblr, and now it's finished I decided to post everything here too! start to use the account~  
>  **Spoilers &Warnings: **Kind of AU, since it takes place after season six but without having into account what happens in the finale, and slight Crossover with Supernatural. But you don’t need to know anything about the show to understand the story.  
> English is not my first language so if there’s any mistake please feel free to let me know!

The team had been called, reluctantly, to South Dakota almost two weeks after the horrible triple homicide had occurred. Once the police had exhausted all their leads, no clues had surfaced and no suspects had come through.  
On the morning of their arrival a new crime scene had greeted them: three more victims, again two men and one woman; same cuts on their wrists, long and profound, without hesitation; and identical staging of the bodies, placed like a triangle, an arm extended to the middle of the figure like they had wanted to hold hands in that puddle of blood. The only thing that differed from the first scene was that they found something in one of the men, a receipt in his back pocket from Supernatural, the town’s magic shop, saying David Miller had bought a book there. If it had been about something else they would have let it slide to the end of the day, give that part of the investigation to one of the local police officers or wait until they had at least a rough profile of the unsubs —it looked improbable that this was the work of just one person. But given the nature of the killings, ritualistic and with potential to scare all of Sioux Falls, they had to work hard and fast to avoid mass hysteria and the press running wild.

The team was spread around town: battling with the media, examining both crimes scenes and the six bodies, working on victimology and geographical profiles, talking to the families of the victims… So it was late afternoon when Hotch left the police station and took the SUV to the magic shop. Just a routine check, ask a question or two to the manager about the victims and the staging of the bodies, and perhaps he would enlighten them about where the unsubs could have gotten the idea of the triangle of blood, because Reid certainly couldn’t place it to any religion or believe he could think of. 

The magic shop was dusty, with the smell of parchment and ink filling your nose with just one breath. And behind it all, Hotch distinguished faint traces of coffee and whisky. The shop was crammed with tall shelves, each of them full to the top with thick books, creating a maze of narrow dark aisles the profiler was ever so grateful not to have to navigate, at least for now. The counter was on the far end at his right, apparently unattended. Hotch approached it slowly, paying attention to his surroundings and to some of the most ancient looking volumes on the shelves; Reid would have loved it. Once in front of the counter, he saw a bearded man rummaging through the contents of a box, mumbling to himself. The man was wearing jeans, a plaid shirt and an old cap.

“Hello” said Hotch to let his presence be known. “Are you Robert Singer, the manager of this establishment?” He knew it was him, Garcia had sent him his file after all. An interestingly odd file at that, like it had been tempered with, but why Hotch didn’t know, yet. The man turned his head, and after looking at him in silence for a few seconds stood up and faced him.

“Yes, I’m Bobby. What do you want?” Hotch showed him his credentials and introduced himself.

“My name is Aaron Hotchner, I’m with the FBI, we are investigating the recent murders occurred in the area. If you could answer some questions…”

“FBI? Let me see that ID again?” Bobby looked at Hotch with impatience and a frown that made the agent doubt for a second. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had asked to see his credentials a second time —Reid’s? sure. Even J.J’s once or twice, but his?—, and they had never been under such an intense scrutiny.

 

_Great, a paranoid thought Hotch finally putting his ID away from the man._

 

“Ok, I’ll answer your questions, but first of all let me make one thing clear: those aren’t satanic rituals. At least nothing like what you’ll find in my books.” Hotch nodded, thinking how the man could be so sure about that. Had he seen the crime photos? Or perhaps someone had described the scenes to him? Hotch decided to leave all this questions for later and keep an eye open for anything else the man would let slip.

“Do you know a man called David Miller?”

“No, I don’t think so. The name doesn’t ring a bell” said Bobby. Hotch opened the case file he carried with him and showed the man a photo of the victim, then one of the other man, and finally one of the woman. “You recognize any of them?” Bobby shook his head. “Where were you two weeks ago?” asked Hotch, looking for any micro expression or sign that would tell him the man was lying or beginning to feel cornered.

“I went to Kansas for supplies, I have all the evidence you want to prove it” Hotch nodded and continued with his questions “David Miller bought a book from your shop seven days ago, you know who could have sold it to him?” The file Garcia had sent him about Robert Singer and the shop didn’t say anything about other employees. In fact it didn’t say much at all.

“Morning or afternoon?”

“Afternoon”

“Then it was Dean, let me get him” The man must have noticed how Hotch had tensed at his statement, for he smirked and added “I’m not gonna escape, you can come with me if you want”

Hotch nodded, relaxing just a little and feeling his curiosity about the man increasing by the minute. There was something about Bobby Singer, he couldn’t put his finger on it, that tickled his instincts. And when he turned his attention to it, the feeling banished. It was a frustrating game of hide and seek. Bobby came out from behind the counter and walked to the other side of the room. They came to a nearly closed door, Bobby opened it and instead of walking through the dark corridor, he shouted “Dean! Stop drinking and come here!”

 

_First a paranoid and now a drunk._

 

No answer came and Bobby shouted again “Dean! Stop sulking, it’s the FBI!” Hotch cringed, if Dean was their unsub that would make him run away. But then, there had been something oddly serious in Bobby’s tone, the way he had said FBI made Hotch look at him with renewed interest. What did his profiling senses tell him about the man?

“I’m coming! Geez Bobby, I was taking a nap” a distant voice said.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. This is Aaron Hotchner, he wants to talk to you.”

Hotch took a step back to make room for Dean and his foot hit a box full of books with a mirror on top that fell to the floor, startling everyone with a loud clang. Hotch picked it up, inspecting the polished surface for any damage, but there was nothing; just his reflection staring back at him, stern and tired.

 

Something warm started flowing through his limbs, calming him and making him close his eyes, take a deep breath.

 

The image of a park appeared in his mind; green grass and tall trees, a clear sky with fluffy white clouds. Jack was there, laughing and rolling around on top of a cream-colored blanket, at his side was a picnic basket. Then, in the quiet of the park and through his son’s laughs, Aaron heard someone call his name. But it wasn’t Haley, though it sounded as kind and as warm as he liked to remember her voice, as full of admiration and love. He heard it again, more urgently now and in a deeper tone. He tried to turn his head but couldn’t, his body didn’t respond. He tried to say something but there was only silence, not even Jack’s laughs reaching his ears anymore.

 

And before the park melted into darkness, he heard “Shit, call Sam!”


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this part you'll find mentions of Gideon/Sarah and Garcia/Kevin, plus some other members of the team~

Aaron woke up in the middle of a white room; no doors, no windows. He was sitting on the floor, impeccably white too, with no recollection of where he was or how he’d gotten there.  
Aaron got up and looked around.

“Think Aaron, think” said to himself “What’s the last thing you remember?”

The case in South Dakota, Reid wanting to go to the magic shop but having to stay at the station…

So he had been the one to finally drive to _Supernatural_ after talking to victim’s families, and in the dusty shop he had found Robert Singer, the manager. But the man had said he didn’t know anything, that perhaps one of his employees did…Dean. Had Aaron seen the alleged man? He couldn’t remember. Could they have kidnapped him? But how? He brought a hand to the back of his head, it didn’t hurt. Nothing hurt. He felt fine, no signs of violence anywhere on his body and he didn’t feel sick, dizzy or nauseated, so he doubted he had been drugged either. But the most important question remained, where was he? And how had he gone from the shop to wherever he was now? A square room with no doors or windows, not even the faintest indication suggesting a trap door, not even the black spot of a surveillance camera…

Then, a thought struck him. Could this be his personal experience of the near death? If so, what did it mean? Would something happen or… It was at this thought that the room started to shake: a light vibration at first, like a train passing nearby and then a stronger quake. His whole body tensed, the fly or fight instinct kicking in and making him start to analyze every single possibility his experience and imagination came up with: the ceiling or walls falling on him, toxic gas, an armed unsub… but the wall at his left was changing its colour, the white turning into different shades of gray and dividing into undefined shapes that rapidly acquired form and a more vivid colour…

 

It was Gideon. He was sitting in his cabin, fountain pen in hand and writing some kind of letter. He looked tired, his skin paler than Aaron remembered. Was he witnessing Gideon writing that fateful letter to Spencer? Aaron took a step forward —forgetting that just a moment before he had been in a much smaller room, all white and empty— and heard someone knocking on the door. Gideon paused his writing and looked at the clock in front of him, relaxing and turning the thin line of his lips into a smile. The man got up and went to open the door.

Aaron didn’t know what he had been expecting, but it definitely wasn’t what he found. Sarah, alive and smiling, was kissing Gideon on the cheek. So she wasn’t dead? Was he, then, in front of one of the last moments between his former colleague and his girlfriend, before Frank returned to their lives?

Aaron looked around, forgetting the couple for a moment and searching for a calendar or whatever would tell him which day it was supposed to be. He found one at the side table near the sofa, blinked and looked again. It couldn’t be, according to the calendar it was a month _after_ Couldn’t happen?

Was he dreaming? Was all of this some kind of hallucination?

He remembered then the image he had seen reflected on the mirror, except it hadn’t been an image or a reflection, it had been real. It had felt real. He had been there with Jack laughing on the grass, a picnic basket and… It hadn’t been Haley. A hand with long slender fingers had waved at him, _Aaron! Of course, it’s Garcia’s apartment._ Thought Aaron.

“I’m so happy you are helping me with this, girls” Penelope said with a bright smile. She irradiated joy beyond her usual cheerful self.

“No problem” said J.J.

“Not while you still have coffee and these delicious cookies” added Emily before taking a sip of her coffee.

Aaron looked around him, searching for a calendar again. When was he? It couldn’t be five years ago like the scene with Gideon, all three women looked exactly the same as he had seen them that morning. Without wanting to go too far, Aaron ended taking a step to the table and read the invitations. Because they were indeed invitations, to Penelope Garcia and Kevin Lynch’s wedding. Two months from now —if now was really when all this nonsense had begun. 

Aaron turned to the women in front of him, talking animatedly without knowing he was there, and felt slightly hurt. If what he was seeing was real, how had he missed it? He was a profiler! One of the best at that. Did the rest of the team know?

“Who do you think Reid’s going to bring as his plus one?”

“Oh, I don’t know…”

“It really looks like he’s been seeing someone recently, right?”

“But he doesn’t want to talk about it”

“We should get him drunk and…”

 

Aaron wasn’t listening, what he heard was a voice in his head saying _You know this may not even be real either_ Or at least it was talking only to him, the girls oblivious to it. _What you saw with Gideon can’t be, Sarah is dead. And you would have known it, if Garcia and Kevin were getting married._

Aaron felt a headache coming; hundreds of questions rushing through his mind without being able to answer even one. And now a voice that sounded a lot like Reid was talking to him.

_Perhaps you are looking at alternate time lines, other possible realities…_

Fantastic, his subconscious had indeed adopted Reid’s voice and ways. Aaron took a deep breath and even moved his arms up and down in synch. This wasn’t good, this wasn’t real, and he had to wake up.

 

Then the room started trembling and Aaron opened his eyes, the scene in front of him bubbling and burning from its centre like celluloid, to finally reveal the white room one more time. Aaron sighted and rubbed his eyes until he saw bright spots dancing on the black interior of his eyelids. It was no use; the room greeted him as white as ever, without doors, without windows, completely spotless and empty.

 _What, where you expecting Reid?_ Aaron mocked himself. Imagining his voice didn’t mean the man was going to magically appear.

“So, alternate realities?” said out loud, just in case someone was watching him. What did that imply? That he was in a kind of limbo, a bypass between realities, time and space, and that was why he could see glimpses of what could be, what could have been if…? If what? Aaron didn’t think stepping on a bug could change so much, keep Sarah alive and Gideon on the FBI. 

 

The room started to change for the third time and Aaron felt curiosity invade him, silencing his doubts and fears as it went. What would he see next? Who?


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story takes place after season 6 but without having into account what happens in the finale… In this part there’s a mention of something we as audience didn’t know until season7 but with Hotch and Rossi being friends I suppose Aaron would have known it by season6 right? It’s nothing too important, but just in case…  
> Mentions of Morgan/Prentiss and J.J/Will, plus the team&Jack~

Colourful shapes started to appear in front of him, expanding from inside out like origami figures being undone. Aaron was standing in the middle of a backyard full of people he didn’t recognize and there were little tables here and there with food on elegant paper plates and plastic champagne flutes. Apparently he had landed on some sort of party. Aaron observed the crowd more closely, looking for a familiar face. He turned to the house, big and square looking, with french doors open to the living room. He started walking to them and once inside he saw Rossi. _Finally._ Dave was talking with a young man in his thirties, elegantly dressed and with eyes incredibly like David’s.

“Have you seen mum?” the man was asking.

“She had to take a call, I think she’s in the study, why?” said Dave.

“Laura wanted to ask her something about baby names. I don’t know how you survived all this nonsense dad…”

Realization came to Aaron and he felt his mouth open in surprise. Was this James?He was alive! And from the ring on his finger and the conversation he was also married and expecting a child.

A pregnant woman, who Aaron deduced was Laura, approached them with a smile and two beers, handed them to the men and with her hands free she put one arm around James’ waist.

“Hotch was asking for you” she said to Dave “Jack has spilled juice all over himself” 

Dave shook his head with a smile and headed to the backyard, Aaron in tow. His heart was beating fast in his ribcage and he felt slightly out of breath, he was so focused on what he would find he didn’t notice the banner hanging on top of the french doors; “Congratulations It’s a boy!” it read. 

Jack was alive in this reality too and he was with him. Did that mean Haley had also died here? Or were they still together? Perhaps they were divorced but he had Jack that weekend… What year was this supposed to be anyway? Then he saw Jack, just like Aaron had seen him that morning. He was trying to take off his shirt but was having problems with the last two buttons. Aaron felt the paternal instinct rush through his body and his hands start buzzing, wanting to reach his son and help him. But someone was already there, telling Jack to calm down and informing him that Daddy had gone to the car for the spare T-shirt. Aaron couldn’t but smile, it looked like in this reality Jack also got sick after a long car ride. But, if he wasn’t there, who had spoken to Jack with such familiarity and was now talking to Dave?  
He looked up from Jack —with his shirt now completely open and hanging wet from his shoulders— and everything went blurry. Aaron thought he was going to faint and reached for one of the tables at his left. The scene started to spin and the only thing he could see clearly about the stranger that had been with Jack were a pair of long legs dressed in dark trousers and colourful socks.

 

When he opened his eyes, he was in the white room. _Of course I am._

Still feeling dizzy he decided to sit. And think.

 

So ok, he could be seeing possible futures, pasts and presents, he accepted that for the moment. But… to what end? What was the purpose behind it all? Was this supposed to be some weird kind of A Christmas Carol dream? Did that make him Scrooge? He was a workaholic and he may not be the nicest person in the world, but he wasn’t a greedy old man and he quite enjoyed Christmas, actually. And what he had seen hadn’t been exactly his life and the consequences of his actions… 

Gideon, Dave, Penelope… Did hers include JJ’s and Emily’s?

What little he could gather, however, was that at least all scenes had looked happy, warm and comfortable.

_Gideon with Sarah, Penelope getting married to Kevin, grandpa Dave…_ said the voice that sounded, still, like Reid.

Aaron replayed the three scenes in his mind and nodded, they all had a vibrant quality, a bright positive energy about them. Something so difficult to find in they line of work…

“And who are you?” said Aaron suddenly. He was talking to the voice, but just in case he said it aloud.

The voice laughed and Aaron thought of Reid and how long had it been since the last time he had seen or heard him laugh without a care in the world, relaxed and at ease.

_And who are_ you, _Aaron?_ It was a whisper, almost silent, like a secret. When he opened his mouth to answer —though he didn’t know what was going to come out— he felt like falling and closed his eyes. How could he be falling if he was sitting on the floor? When he opened his eyes again, he found himself in a hospital bed. His heart sank to his feet “I knew it, not everything could be good”  
Aaron got up and looked around; he was alone and still wearing his suit, which was in perfect condition despite all the space and time travelling. From the door he could see nurses going about, busy but not like there was any kind of emergency. Stepping out of the room he heard Morgan’s voice and turned to his right. There he was, talking on the phone with a smile, nothing in his demeanour or tone showing signs of worry, anger or sadness.

_Perhaps everything_ is _good and happy after all_ said the voice. Aaron ignored it and listened to Morgan say goodbye to whoever was at the other end of the line.

 

“Yes, I’ll wait for you. I love you too” Derek hanged up and entered a room at his right.

Aaron didn’t know why, but he doubted it had been Garcia talking to him. For one thing, it had lacked the usual “baby girl”, “Mama” or any other nickname, and for another, it had sounded strangely warm and soft. Aaron knew Morgan loved Garcia —and Penelope loved Derek—, but this had sounded a lot more… intimate and warm than their usual conversations. Did Morgan have a girlfriend in this reality? Or did Morgan have one in the “real reality” and Aaron had failed to notice, again, like with Garcia’s wedding? Aaron tried not to think about it and opened cautiously the door his colleague had disappeared behind to find J.J. on the bed with a baby on her arms. Was it Henry? Was Jennifer with Will here too?

“Emily says she’s coming, the traffic is horrible. And how you dare go into labour with her out of the estate” both friends laughed and the baby moved slightly.

“Tell her that goes both ways”

“Is there something I should know?” 

“I don’t know, you’re the profiler”

Aaron couldn’t believe it, Prentiss and Morgan together, romantically. Part of him couldn’t imagine it but the other was saying finally with a tired sigh. The most important thing, though, was that his friends were alright and happy, or they at least looked the part. Even J.J., with shadows under her eyes and her blond hair sweaty around her tired face, exuded peace from every pore.

 

“You know why you can’t eat any more candy” heard Aaron from the corridor. It was Reid’s voice, the real one. “It will spoil your appetite and then your dad will get mad at both of us”

“But it’s still early” Jack complained.

Aaron got out of the room and saw his son walking with Spencer down the hallway. Jack looked older, around ten, and Aaron felt his stomach clench with sadness. It didn’t matter this wasn’t real, he had lost three years of his son’s life.

“You put always lots of sugar in your coffee” Jack kept going.

“And that’s why I know all that sugar is bad for your health”

“But you’re fine, you’re a genius!”

“You know sugar doesn’t have anything to do with intelligence, right?” answered Reid flushing slightly.

Aaron closed his mouth and watched his son talking to Spencer, the surrealism of this scene at large outweighing everything else he had seen until then. What had happened in this reality to make Jack and Reid friends? He could count with the fingers of one hand the times those two had seen each other and swear on the Bible they had never exchanged more than a greeting. But behind the weirdness of the situation a warm feeling tried to swipe through him. Jack smiling and happy, Spencer looking after him, the two most important parts of his life — _the only parts of your life, really_ — merging positively.

“Listen to him, kid” said a third voice. It was Will, hand in hand with a three year-old Henry.

“Is Daddy coming to see Julia too?” asked Jack “If he doesn’t hurry visiting hours will close”

“Yes he will, don’t worry.” Will reassured him, his eyes fixed in a point far down the corridor. Reid followed his gaze and smiled, making Jack turn.

“Daddy!”

 

Aaron didn’t turn to see himself. Something in Reid’s stance had changed at seeing him —his other him, whatever— his shoulders had relaxed, and his eyes had warmed, shining with something Aaron doubted he had seen before in them. It was almost… But then, of course, his surroundings started to distort, like a TV being tuned, everything losing its shape until there was nothing but black and white spots giving way to white walls, a white floor, and a white ceiling. Where was the light coming from?

He had been sitting before the hospital scene, J.J’s alternate life it seemed, so he was sitting now too. He decided to lie down, look at the ceiling and wait for the room to start shaking again and change once more. Who would be next? Emily? Morgan? Would they be together there too? Aaron hoped hat if he wasn’t indeed dead and survived whatever this was, he could wake up and remember everything, or at least the idea of it, of a happy life all of them could have lived. And perhaps still could.

Why hadn’t he seen himself? Was it going to be the big final reveal? Or was it some kind of time travel taboo? Reid could tell him.

Aaron waited for the voice to speak, it sounded like the doctor after all, so perhaps it knew everything Spencer knew… Which was a lot. And apparently he was learning to be comfortable around kids, little by little diluting the infamous Reid Effect. Aaron suspected it had something to do with all the Henry babysitting. Jack had looked at ease at the hospital, and the remark about Reid’s sugar problem spoke of a shared experience, time spent with one another amicably. Perhaps in this reality Aaron had asked Reid to babysit Jack some nights… Was Jess ok? And why hadn’t he asked himself for Reid’s help before? Granted, the young man wasn’t Jack’s godfather and there was the said Reid Effect, but Spencer was patient and kind, and with one magic trick would have had Jack perfectly enthralled. He would think about it once he woke up, it would be a good way to spend some more time with the young agent, know what was going on with his life, ask about his headaches, if he still felt the cravings… No. Aaron stood up and looked around, was nothing else going to happen? He took a step forward and the room began to spin softly, the walls darkening until they were the dark brown of the dimly lit wood.

There were tables and chairs, booths, music, a bar. He was in a pub, with festive decorations and people smiling, talking and laughing. A banner on the bar area, hanging from the ceiling, said “congratulations & good luck”. No name, but he recognized two young agents he’d interviewed last week talking to a third he didn’t know. They looked ten years older but it was them, Aaron was sure, same tattoo on the blonde’s wrist and same birthmark in the brunette’s neck.

 

_Ten years…_


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of J.J/Will, Garcia/Kevin Prentiss/OMC Hotch/Reid plus the team and Jack~

Aaron looked around trying to recognize someone else, and spotted a large group of people at the far end, glasses held high, smiling, and saying something he couldn’t hear before drinking. He caught a glimpse of a bright flowery dress and thought of Garcia. Without thinking it twice Aaron approached the group, feeling his heart beat with curiosity and fear. Ten years was a lot of time for tragedies to strike. And he not only found Garcia, smiling and full of life like always, but also Emily, Anderson, Morgan, Elle and Seaver… They looked older, some more than others —he said to himself noticing the cane at Morgan’s side—, but they were alive. And Elle was still in the FBI, and Seaver had kept in touch. However, once his surprise subsided he couldn’t fail but noticing J.J wasn’t there, neither were Reid or himself.

“J.J. says it’s only a sprained ankle, Henry’s ok” announced then Emily, putting her mobile phone back inside her bag.

“Poor kid, he’s not too coordinate is he? Last year he broke a toe” said Elle.

“It must be Reid’s company catching up after all those years”

Aaron felt relieved at hearing J.J. and Reid were alive, but the remark about Spencer being clumsy and prone to accidents made him want to intervene and say most of them wouldn’t be alive if it hadn’t been for him, so a little respect.

“What about my company?”

Reid’s head popped between Emily and Ashley and Aaron turned to him, taking in the short hair and tired eyes, the shirt and vest, the fainted scar on the back of the hand reaching for his drink.

“By the way, nice party Morgan. Everybody’s here”

“Everyone loves Derek!” said Garcia with a broad smile “So everybody’s happy he’s leaving!”

The group laughed and Morgan nodded, agreeing with her.

“Though I prefer the term retirement. I’m not leaving you”

“Awww…”

“But you are” said Anderson with a sly smile “you’re going to Hawaii for a week”

“It has to have its perks, right?” 

So Morgan was retiring, possibly because of an injury that made the cane indispensable. But why wasn’t he transferring to a desk job? No, of course Morgan wouldn’t like it, he was a man of action. And now he wouldn’t be able to kick down doors anymore. What was he going to do then, return to Chicago?

Aaron listened as his colleagues continued their conversation and felt an odd calm feeling wash over him, like he was actually living there, like he had been part of that reality all along. But he hadn’t, and by the looks of it perhaps there wasn’t a living Aaron Hotchner in there either. Had one ever been in that BAU at all? But then why was he seeing this? What had happened to him? He was so concentrated on imagining all his possible deaths and futures, the alternate lives for Haley and Jack, that at first he didn’t pay attention when he heard Spencer’s voice again. 

“Hey do you know where Aaron is? I have a missed call from Jack but now his phone’s busy” It was at the mention of Jack that his attention focused once more on the group before him. Had Reid just called him _Aaron?_

“Yeah he had to go outside to talk to Jack and Haley” said Emily casually, like there was nothing wrong with Reid asking about him by his first name and then saying Jack had called him. And Haley was alive!

“Everything ok?” asked Seaver looking at Reid with concern.

“Yeah don’t worry. It’s probably about what are we going to do on Thanksgiving, with Jack coming back home from university and all”

That explanation was the final straw. The thought of Jack going to university went over his head at the mention of the holidays, what had Spencer to do with him, Jack, Haley and _Thanksgiving?_

 

Everything he had seen, all these realities he had experienced, dislodged from his memory and fell one on top of the other in front of his eyes:

Reid was seeing someone and keeping it a secret.

A pair of mismatched socks.

_Jack._

 

Such closeness, such concern…

So deep was Aaron in his musings that he didn’t realise he had returned to the white room at all. No more goodbye party for Morgan, no more comfortable chatter around him, just his own thoughts rushing inside his head, battling for attention. The meaning of it all was there —he knew it—, lurking in the shadows, taunting him to look. But Aaron wasn’t sure he wanted to or should. He was aware of what he would find and he feared it. All those years ignoring his subconscious, acting oblivious and in denial had to count for something, help him keep going with his head held high, without looking back. But now back was everywhere he looked at: left, right, up, down. He was trapped and couldn’t run anymore, there was no place to hide. Was that the meaning behind all this? Why? Why now? Why ever?

 

He was friends with Reid. It had been so since the beginning, when Gideon had introduced them and Aaron had though Spencer’s super brain wouldn’t be enough, had wondered if the much too young agent was really ready to face the worst humanity had to offer, what would happen first; death or madness? But they hadn’t come, they had knocked on the door and peered through the blinds, but never made the fateful step inside. And Aaron came to know Spencer Reid, appreciate his odd sense of humour, his ramblings and unexpected lectures about everything and anything, his company, his views of the world. They had become friends, that couldn’t be denied.  
They had helped the other when he most needed it, but that alone didn’t explain how in almost all realities Aaron had been, Jack’s and Spencer’s life had come together such intimately. It wasn’t just the conversation at the hospital, or even the scene at Dave’s backyard, it was all that about Thanksgiving and Haley —he had been so happy hearing that at least there she was alive—, because if Jack had both his parents alive why did he call Reid? He thought about Spencer’s family, possibly and sadly in the same situation in all realities, and tried to convince himself that was the reason the Hotchner’s were inviting him to spend the holidays with them; a friendly gesture, an amicable invitation to cement their strong friendship. But deep down, he knew that was complete bullshit.  
Reid’s calm voice, the warmth in his eyes, taking care of Jack, calling him Aaron in front of their friends… But it couldn’t be, Aaron wasn’t… Aaron didn’t…

 

The room started shaking again and Aaron sighed in relief, welcoming anything that would take his mind away from his current train of thought, although he was certain he wouldn’t be able to ignore it for long. 

Aaron closed his eyes. It was supposed to be Emily’s turn, right?

There was a cool breeze and the faint scent of grass, a pool far away shimmering under the moonlight, quiet conversations from small groups of people here and there, all elegantly dressed and in front of tastefully set tables. Again, he had landed on some kind of social gathering. Aaron turned around and found J.J. and Emily talking a few steps behind him, both gracefully dressed up in party dresses and glamorous heels, wavy hairstyles and subtle make up. They looked splendid. Where were they? This didn’t look like anywhere their job would take them, not even one of Dave’s fancy parties.

“Liam has excellent taste, Emily” J.J was saying “All of his dresses were beautiful”

“He knows more about fashion and clothing that I’ll ever be able to”

“As long as you keep being my muse that’s ok” said a voice at Aaron’s left. The women turned and Emily smiled at the newcomer, accepting a kiss on the cheek and a champagne flute. Will had arrived with him and was giving J.J a glass too.

Was this Liam Emily’s boyfriend? A fashion designer? Well, it made sense, in an odd way.

“I was just saying to Emily you have excellent taste. The last dress was breathtaking”

“You are too kind Jennifer. If you would let me, I’ll be honoured to design your wedding dress when you and Will decide to get married”

“Oh God, of course Liam” exclaimed J.J. surprised and looking at Will for his reaction. He smiled and nodded. “The honour would be ours”

“Completely free, of course”

“Hey, hey, we leave you alone for a minute and something important happens?” came Morgan’s voice. Like everyone, he was dressed in a perfectly tailored suit that made him look like a model, the grey colour enhancing his dark skin and the cut of the jacket bringing out his broad shoulders. But from the corner of his eye Aaron caught sight of who it was at Morgan’s side and felt his stomach flip, a dizzy sensation start to take over his body.

 

_Talking about models._

And ok, fine, he gave up, perhaps Aaron really did feel something more than friendship for Reid, and sure he most definitely was attracted to him. He couldn’t deny it anymore, not when his mouth had become a dessert and his pants were starting to tent.

Spencer Reid, here and now, made a compelling argument all by himself: the stylish jacket, the purple shirt with the first two buttons undone, the tight black pants and shiny shoes, his slightly long hair combed back…

“You want something to drink?” said Morgan to Spencer, placing a hand on his shoulder that made Aaron seethe.

“Sure, a glass of brandy. Thanks”

Aaron followed Morgan with his eyes, wondering were Aaron himself was, or Garcia and Rossi for that matter. But he had more important things to focus on, like Reid and his easy smile, the way Morgan had touched him.  
Wouldn’t it be ironic if this reality was the one in which he had died? Or he simply wasn’t in a relationship with Spencer, no need to be so dramatic. Was this some kind of joke? Showing him what he could have had just to see it go away, slipping through his fingers.

“Penelope would have loved this” Aaron heard J.J. say “she would have been delighted with all the outfits”

“I think she’ll get over it, she’s in Japan after all”

“I wanted to meet her” said Liam “I hope we can meet once she returns?”

“She wanted to meet you too, so don’t worry”

“She sent me an e-mail yesterday saying she and Kevin had spent all day at Akihabara, I’ll send the photos to you guys. I swear Japan is like another universe”

So Garcia was with Kevin here too. Aaron wondered if they had already married in this reality, the trip to Japan being their honeymoon. He hoped it was, she deserved the happiness.

 

“I’m sure red runny noses don’t match designer suits” said Reid, Aaron didn’t know as answer to what “I offered to stay at home with him, but he insisted one of us at least had to come. Thanks for the invitations Liam”

Who was he talking about? Aaron felt relief surge through him at Spencer not being with Morgan —he respected the man, but didn’t quite agree with his way of handling Reid’s insecurities sometimes—, sadly that left a broad spectrum of possibilities that could be much worse.

“Were you able to sort out the misunderstanding with the airlines?” asked Emily.

“Yes, yes, it was just that, a misunderstanding. Everything’s fine now”

“You’ll see, Venice is beautiful”

Venice? Spencer was going to Venice? With who? The mysterious stranger with a cold? 

“You have to take a lot of pictures too”

“The unsubs better not hear our best agents are away on vacation or we’ll be in trouble”

Morgan had returned and handed Spencer his drink. The younger man blushed and took a sip.

Agents? That meant Reid and him, right? It had to be. Because they had been talking about another man and Aaron didn’t want to think about Rossi or even Gideon. A shiver of disgust ran through his body. Or could it be Anderson? Or… Aaron tried to calm down and looked at Spencer, so handsome and well dressed, smiling and relaxed, at peace.

Aaron felt the ground tremble and for the first time tried to fight against the change. But how could he do it? He tried to touch Reid, see if it was possible at all. But everything started to fade, losing colour and texture, sound and scent. Everything vanished into thin air and went white again, Spencer’s brown eyes lasting for a few more seconds in Aaron’s memory.


	5. 5

Aaron looked around, more as a reflex, just to make sure everything continued to be spotlessly white, than anything else. He wasn’t paying all that much attention either, his mind immersed in the sense of self awareness the epiphany had given him.

Aaron liked Reid, and he supposed it was fair to say he even felt attracted to him. And if Aaron continued to go down that path of acceptance he would probably agree to love him too. But he couldn’t let himself do that, it would leave him naked against the truth; he was too old for Spencer, too damaged and with luggage to fill a Boeing. The FBI had regulations discouraging relationships between co-workers and Aaron had never felt anything like that for a man, so perhaps he had understood his feelings towards Reid wrong. And most importantly, was Spencer even attracted to men? Aaron only knew about the few women that had showed interest in Reid in all those years working together —prostitutes didn’t count—, and surely there were more he hadn’t know about, and that without having into account the ones Reid himself had showed interest in. So maybe, in all that vast realm of ignorance, there _could_ be men.

There had been rumours about Reid’s sexuality and Morgan had joked about it once or twice, but the young agent had never given anything away. One could argue that given Aaron’s line of work and position as leader of the team he should know it, but he didn’t. His profiling senses hadn’t picked up on anything, perhaps because he wasn’t looking, maybe because of the silent pact of no inter-profiling. But most probably because he hadn’t wanted to see it in case his mind started playing tricks on him like it appeared to be doing now. Aaron knew he could twist most of his interactions with Spencer and turn them into something that would appeal to his fantasy; the pats on the back, the smiles, the concerned looks…But they were born from friendship, nothing else.

So why had Aaron to accept something that may never come to be? Wouldn’t it be better to continue living like he had been doing?

 _But I’ve been with you in all those realities, caring for you and looking at you with affection_ whispered Reid’s voice _That had to mean something, right? Because sure as hell you couldn’t have made it all up._

Was this, whatever it was: near death experience, vivid hallucination or surreal dream, trying to show Aaron that if he acted on his feelings he would find a happily ever after? He doubted it. He had thought so with Haley and it had ended like the worst of nightmares. Well before Foyet.

And furthermore, he’d never seen himself in those realities, he hadn’t seen enough to fully experience and understand that life. What he had seen may have looked happy and perfect, but he knew that didn’t mean everything else was. He shuddered at the thought of him and Spencer shouting at each other in the kitchen because of some stupid mistake or oversight, the silent treatment, having to sleep on the couch… Those things happened, and Aaron had to focus on Jack, his son had already had too many complications in his short life. Aaron’s friendship with Spencer was safe and he could live with just that.

But Jack had looked perfectly fine too. Relaxed and comfortable around Spencer, who had showed patience, interest and preoccupation, acting like a parent to the kid. It would be good for Jack to have two parents again. Jess had done an amazing job as a feminine figure and she would continue to do it, Aaron was sure, but Jack needed more adults around him in who to confide, different people to inspire him, and Spencer was an excellent choice for it —Reid Effect or no Reid Effect—, of that Aaron didn’t have any doubts.

So perhaps, after all, it could end well. Spencer and Aaron sending Jack to university…

It sounded so absurd Aaron started laughing. There he was, deciding about his son’s future and his own, when he didn’t even know where he was. Lost somewhere all by himself with just his thoughts and secret desires for company.

It was ridiculous. He had to find the way to return to his reality, and then he would think about his feelings for Reid. Decide what was best for Jack and, of course, for Spencer. 

 

It started raining. He was still in the white room but it was raining.

 

Aaron extended his hand, separating his fingers and moving them slowly, feeling the cold droplets collide against his skin, his suit starting to get wet. But then something was placed at his back that sheltered him from the rain and Aaron turned to face the doors to a house. He turned around again and found he was in a nice neighbourhood, far away from the white room.

Someone was coming, his face shadowed under a black umbrella. The stranger was approaching the house he was standing in front of and Aaron felt his heart start beating with force. It was Spencer, those long legs, the black converse, the satchel… Aaron swallowed and took a step aside to make room for him. Was this Spencer’s reality?

Aaron followed the man inside the house, where the lights were on and voices from the TV reached his ears in a volume too low for them to register clearly. So, either Spencer was living with someone _who was it, was it Aaron?_ or Spencer had the keys to someone else’s house _who was it? Was it-_

 

“Spencer are you ok? Do you need a towel?”

 

 _Jack_ … whispered Aaron in surprise, his heart regaining the fast beating from just moments before. It had been Jack’s voice, no doubt about it, concerned because Reid had been outside in the rain.

“Don’t worry buddy, I’m fine”

Aaron watched in shocked silence as Spencer took off his jacket and shoes and placed the umbrella in its stand. The same one Aaron had in his apartment.

Aaron felt like he was being disconnected from his own body, he couldn’t move and everything was cold around him. But he was following Spencer to the living room, where Jack seated on the sofa, watching the cartoons.

“Daddy’s in the study on the phone with aunt Jess” Spencer nodded and took off his tie.

“What are you watching?”

“Phineas and Ferb, wanna watch it too?” asked Jack turning to face Spencer with a smile. The man smiled back and sat on the sofa beside the kid.

This was too much for Aaron.

It had been one thing to know there was a kind of relationship between his son and Spencer, to see the young agent take care of Jack. But seeing it, experiencing it, was another completely different. Now that he had accepted, more or less, his feelings towards Spencer, this scene had such power over him Aaron started feeling dizzy. This was the future he had been fantasizing about. The consequences of which, good or bad, terrified him.

 

Aaron took a deep breath and tried to calm down. He looked at Jack, who appeared to be around ten, and then looked at the shelves at his right, full of old books Spencer’s and photos: the three of them together, Jack and Jess, the team, Spencer and his mother, Hotch, Haley and baby Jack. This really was their house then. His and Spencer’s. And Jack’s. And after long years prying into other people’s houses Aaron could distinguish the atmosphere of a happy household.

This was it.

Aaron sighed, surrendering to the scene, and focused on Spencer. The man was smiling at whatever was happening on the TV screen, faint wrinkles around his eyes, his damp hair curling at his neck and on his forehead. Jack explained something about the characters and Spencer frowned, trying to repress his lecture mode in favour of a more age appropriate comment. There was the sound of a door closing in the upper floor and Aaron looked at the stairs, was he finally going to see himself? 

“Jack, have you decided what you want for dinner?” It was Aaron’s voice.

“I’ll let Spencer decide, I’m not really hungry”

Spencer thanked the kid and got up from the sofa. Aaron’s eyes followed him to the bottom of the stairs. Someone was coming down, a pair of dark blue slippers appeared, legs clad in jeans, a torso dressed in a black polo shirt. It was him. He couldn’t exactly see his face, it was fogged and blurry, but Aaron knew it was himself. And he was reaching the end of the stairs and kissing Spencer.

It was a greeting gesture, a soft brush of the lips, and Aaron felt a shiver down his back. His other self was smiling, his left hand on Spencer’s humid hair, and after another soft kiss asked what the man wanted for dinner.

Aaron didn’t hear the answer though, suddenly his own left hand was wet and his fingers were caressing soft locks of hair. In the blink of an eye Aaron had been transported to the bottom of the stairs and was now standing in front of Spencer, the young man’s arms loose around his waist.

He didn’t know what to do, his brain and body were frozen with uncertainty. Did he had to kiss Spencer again? Give him a hug? Whatever it was, he should have done something, because Spencer frowned and said “Are you ok? Everything alright with Jess?”

“Yes, yes. It’s nothing, sorry” and before Spencer could ask anything else for which Aaron didn’t have an answer to, he kissed the man.

He had never thought about how it would feel or how Spencer would taste. He had never imagined where their first kiss would happen or why. But he didn’t care, he doubted it would have been better than that.

Aaron’s left hand had moved to Spencer’s nape, and his right was at the other’s back, both helping him get closer to the younger man. Spencer’s lips were slightly chapped, perhaps because of the weather, but they were warm and moving against his own. Aaron didn’t know if that was how things worked between them, but he let Spencer control the kiss, responding with soft bites of his own and parting his lips to welcome Spencer’s tongue.

Aaron felt warm all over, hundreds of butterflies on his stomach and thousands more on his veins, making his body buzz in anticipation. He felt Spencer move and guide him to a corner, away from Jack’s view.

Oh god, he had forgotten Jack was right there, on the sofa, his undivided attention on the TV but if he had turned his head…

“Are you sure it was nothing?” Spencer whispered before nibbling at Aaron’s neck “You’re all tense and… I don’t really know” Aaron tried to answer, but seeing as he continued to not know what to say, decided it would be best to keep kissing Spencer. After all, if this wasn’t real it didn’t matter all that much what he did, right? He could indulge a little.

 

Aaron’s hands were on Spencer’s back, caressing the warm skin under the shirt, his lips on the other man’s jaw, when he heard a voice coming from far away.

_Aaron! Aaron can you hear me?_

It sounded like Spencer but the voice was muffled, like someone talking from the other side of a thick glass. Aaron stopped kissing the man and looked at him.

_Aaron! **Hotch!** Wake up… _

But the Spencer in front of him hadn’t opened his mouth. It was unsettling, hearing the man’s voice all aorund when he was right in front of him, caressing Aaron’s sides and looking at him expectantly, his mouth closed in a warm smile. Was this his cue to return to his reality? How was he supposed to do it? Aaron took a deep breath, kissed Spencer one last time —because he could, for courage, because it could be the last— and closed his eyes.

 

When Aaron opened them again, Spencer was still in front of him. But that one was his Spencer, and he was looking at him with worry and a frown.


	6. 6

“Hotch, can you hear me? Are you alright?”

Aaron nodded, his throat dry and his mind not yet back with him completely.

“Do you know what year it is? Who’s the president? Your name? My name?”

“It’s 2011, the president is Barak Obama and I, Aaron Hotchner I’m alright, no need to worry Doctor Spencer Reid” his voice was hoarse and Aaron found the r’s resisted him but his answer served to assure the younger agent that nothing too serious had happened. Reid stood up, extending a hand towards him.

“Can you stand up?” Aaron nodded and did so without help, looking around, situating himself, and finally spotting three men behind Spencer.

He recognised two of them: Robert Singer, the manager of the place; and Dean, his employee. The stranger was the tallest of them, with long hair and broad shoulders. He was still looking at Aaron with concern in his eyes. What happened?

“You tripped and a mirror fell on your head” said Reid, making Aaron notice he had said that last part aloud “You were unconscious and they called me” Aaron glanced at the three men again and thanked them.

“I feel fine, nothing really hurts”

“We should still go to the hospital”

“What about the case?” Aaron turned to the little window at his left; the sky was darkening, a brush of purple fusing with the inky blue of night “How long have I been unconscious?”

“They just called me ten minutes ago, and you woke up right after I arrived” Aaron dropped his gaze to the floor, to the books by his feet and the mirror on top of them. He would have sworn he had been out cold for at least half an hour.

“Don’t worry about the case, on my way here Morgan called and said they had found two likely suspects. They should be in interrogation now”

Aaron tried to roll his shoulder muscles and stretch his neck with discretion, realising in the process that his shirt had the two first buttons undone and his tie was hanging loose. He took it off and left the shirt as it was.

“Well, then I think our work here is done. Sorry for the inconvenience” he said to the three men.

“No problem, this just reminds me I should clean the place”

“You aren’t going to sue us, right?” blurted the man Aaron didn’t know. He kind of reminded him of a moose, as weird as it sounded.

“It was an accident” said Aaron. And he knew he could sue them —negligence, attack to a federal agent—and win, but he didn’t feel like it. He knew this place wasn’t what it seemed. Well, actually the place was exactly what it seemed: a magic shop. Because Aaron remembered stepping on a box full of books and the mirror falling to his feet, not his head, and then a numb feeling taking over his body and all those visions and realizations he would have never had on his own, dreaming, unconscious or otherwise.

“I was just making sure!” was saying the tall man to Dean.

“And I’m just saying don’t give them ideas”

“Boys, would you mind not making a scene while the good agents are still here?”

“Don’t worry, we are going. Thanks again and…” Reid looked at the crammed shelf behind Aaron, eyes big and full of interest and curiosity “Wouldn’t you happen to have a book about-“

“Reid… We have work to do” interrupted Aaron “You can come back tomorrow, when your work is done”

“Ok, sorry” Reid tucked a lock of hair behind his ear and Aaron’s hands started buzzing, remembering how it felt on his own fingers.

“Thanks again and goodbye” he said before his mind started to go down the forbidden path.

Spencer thanked them too and waved good night, following Aaron to the black SUV’s.

 

 

They went directly to the police station. Aaron wasn’t going to lose time in a hospital when he felt perfectly fine and knew nothing had happened to him, at least not physically.

Reid put him up to speed before entering the building and from then on Aaron didn’t let himself think of anything else that wasn’t the case, making sure there were no loose ends, the evidence was irrefutable and the three soulless siblings —two men and a woman, like the victims— were going to spend the rest of their life without even smelling the light of day ever again.

So it was late when they all arrived at the hotel and went to their respective rooms with a tired exchange of goodnights. Aaron left his briefcase on the bed and took a long hot shower before putting on his pyjamas, an old T-shirt and stripped cotton pants. He felt tired but didn’t want to go to bed, his head was full with stray thoughts about the case, and the memories of what he'd experienced on Reid’s reality were starting to claim a more prominent role in his mind. He poured himself a glass of scotch from the mini bar and sat on the hard mattress, letting in whatever thoughts his brain came up with about his supernatural experience. Could he call it that? He supposed he could, Aaron didn’t believe in ghosts or the spiritual world but he felt that, for once, he had to concede. How else was he going to come to terms with what had happened to him? As the voice had said, he doubted he had made all that up. Handing over the control of the situation to a grater power than himself Aaron couldn’t be made accountable for what had happened. It was the strategy of the cowards, he knew it, to brush off responsibilities like that... A knock on the door woke him from his introspection, who was it? Aaron left the empty glass on the nightstand and peered through the spyhole.

“Hotch? It’s Reid, are you awake?” Aaron took a deep breath and opened the door. “Sorry, did I wake you?” Aaron shook his head and took a step back. Spencer was wearing his glasses, a faded blue T-shirt that was too big for him, the same black slacks he had been wearing all day and a pair of socks —one dark green and the other white with purple dots. By the state of his hair, wet around his face, and the soft smell of citrus that tickled Aaron’s nose, the man could tell he had showered too before paying him a visit.

“Everything alright? Do you need something?” he asked before the silence grew further.

“Yes sorry, just making sure you were feeling alright. No dizziness, nausea, headaches…”

“No, nothing. As I said before I feel fine” It must have come harsher than he had thought, because Spencer winced and flushed, making Aaron want to slap himself. _He’s just concerned for you, you would be doing the same in his situation…_ And so, his mind took reign of his body without previously asking for consent and made him say “Want to come in?” Spencer looked up at him and seemed to relax, accepting the invitation and stepping inside the room. Aaron closed the door and went to the night stand, where he had left the scotch bottle and his glass. “Something to drink?”

“Ok, the scotch is fine no need to open anything else” Aaron went for another glass and poured a drink for Reid and another for hinslef. The room was silent and the atmosphere grew tenser by the minute. The two agents were friends, Aaron realized, but they had never shared drinks in one’s hotel room. Neither at the other’s house, just at the bar, with the team, not alone by themselves…

“When they called me from the shop “said Reid after his first sip, with a worried expression and not looking at Aaron “I thought they were the unsubs. We’d profiled it was the work of three people so when I arrived and saw them I started profiling them. They turned out to be really interesting people even if they weren’t our guys, I could have wrote a full book about them”

Aaron nodded, remembering how he had started to profile Bobby too.

“They said you had tripped with a book and then you hit a shelf and the mirror that was on top fell on your head. I didn’t believe them at first, it’s kind of a comic situation” Reid had a shy smile on his lips, probably nervous for the comment to be taken as an offense. Aaron smiled and drank from his glass. Even if he knew that hadn’t really been the case Spencer was right, it would have been a funny scene to see.

“I don’t suppose there were security cameras? Otherwise we need to erase the footage before Garcia puts her hands on it” That seemed to make the trick and Spencer’s smile broadened.

“No, I don’t remember seeing any” Aaron had already known it, and if there had been he was sure the footage from his little accident would have been already erased “You know, mirrors are said to be a reflection of the soul and they’ve been widely used in…“

It looked like with easing the tension Aaron had opened the gates of Reid’s knowledge, gaining a lecture about mirrors in the process. It didn’t matter, it was nice just being there; hearing Spencer’s voice, not having to interrupt him abruptly, be able to watch him move his hands around, how his fingers flexed and managed to be more expressive than some people’s entire body. Aaron knew he should be listening, perhaps what Reid was saying would shine some light on his experience and doubts, but his mind had conjured a new image in Aaron’s head: Spencer kissing him, with both men naked and laying on a bed, those same hands caressing Aaron’s chest and slowly wandering lower and lower... And then, with the man in front of him still talking, unaware of what was going on in his boss’ mind and encouraged by Aaron’s smile and interested stance, Aaron took a step further in his fantasy. Would Spencer talk during sex? Would he be loud? Was dirty talk a turn on for him? A shiver ran down Aaron’s spine. Spencer noticed it and fell silent.

“I’m sorry, it’s late I should go” he said, more to himself than Aaron. He left his empty glass on the desk at his side and licked his bottom lip nervously, like he was waiting for Aaron to say something.

“I don’t want you to go” he said, feeling his cheeks flush red and he too leaving his glass on the nightstand “It’s just that… while I was unconscious I had a vision. More of a dream I suppose” Suddenly he wanted to keep Reid there with him, explain what he had seen. Or at least part of it “It was a party at Dave’s backyard” he continued ”I don’t know what exactly we were celebrating, but we were all there. Even Seaver, and Elle and Gideon” Just as he said it he regretted it. After all those years he still didn’t know how Reid felt about his mentor leaving and Elle running away. But he looked exactly the same, his face just showing curious interest. “Garcia and Kevin were married, Will and J.J. had Henry and a little girl called Julia... Emily was dating a fashion designer and Morgan was going to Hawaii, I think we were at someone’s wedding” Aaron said from the top of his head, just to add realism to the scene “I don’t know, it was nice though”

Reid had been smiling, provably imagining each couple, and Morgan surfing at the North Shore, but now he looked slightly hurt, like he was expecting Aaron to say something else but finding just silence. His smile faded and he nodded slowly “You didn’t see yourself?” Aaron shook his head.

“I was there and everything I saw was from my eye level, not from an omnipresent view from above” he said.

“And I wasn’t at the party?”

Spencer had tried for it to sound as nonchalant as he could, but Aaron heard the hesitation merge with the hurt on his eyes loud and clear. How could he think Aaron had forgotten about him? _If you don’t mention him…_

“Yes, yes. Of course you were there! Sorry… You were with someone too” he added then, trying to keep his voice calm and reassuring “You two looked really happy together” Aaron felt his mouth dry, grabbed his drink and finished it, leaving the empty glass back at the little table.

If Spencer asked something else, Aaron wasn’t sure he could lie or continue evading the truth. Did that mean he had to act now? He stood up, his right foot was falling asleep. Reid got up too.

“I should go now, for real this time…” he said. Aaron looked at him and nodded, following him to the door. But before Spencer could open it Aaron brought his left hand to the other man’s right shoulder and made him turn. Facing the shocked eyes behind old glasses and watching Spencer’s lips move in a surprised exclamation, Aaron kissed him.

 

It was an impulse, just his lips pressed against Spencer’s, soft and warm, tasting faintly of scotch. And technically it wasn’t their first kiss, not for Aaron, but he felt like it was. His heart was racing fast behind his ribcage and it took just the few seconds his lips were in contact with Spencer’s for Aaron’s mind to start overflowing with insecurities and fears, every thought so loud and fast Aaron couldn’t pick up any of them, but feeling like deep down he understood each one. More nervous than he had been in a long time, Aaron moved away from Spencer and let his hand drop to his side.

“Spencer…” he whispered, almost silently. The man was looking at him with eyes like saucers, without even blinking or moving, without giving anything away except utter surprise. Aaron was going to do something —touch his arm again, continue talking, say sorry— when Spencer blinked twice and ever so slowly licked his lips. His eyes refocused and centred their attention on Aaron, who fought to keep completely still, waiting for whatever was going to happen. Then, Spencer smiled and kissed him back.

 

At first, out of surprise or relief, Aaron let Spencer lead the kiss, raise his hands to his face and scratch lightly through his scalp, but after the surge of lust that mere gesture ignited inside him, Aaron had to retaliate. He brought his hands to Spencer’s hips and made him step back and to the side so he could press his lean body to the wall without having to bother with the doorknob. The kiss was deep and exploratory, long and left them breathing with difficulty, arms around each other. But it was so good Aaron couldn’t stop for long. Spencer was a really good kisser, and Aaron hoped his skills hadn’t rusted from disuse. With one last nip on Spencer’s reddening lips Aaron started kissing along the other man’s jaw, the stubble against his own sensitive lips causing in him a feeling of exhilaration that encouraged him to rise his hands and start caressing Spencer’s sides and lower back.

Aaron could feel himself hardening, lust taking control over his body, and he suspected Spencer was in a similar state, breathing hot on his ear and running one hand through Aaron’s hair. But Aaron couldn’t bring himself to make his hips press against Spencer’s, the little common sense he still had made him go slow, this was unexplored territory on so many levels he had to proceed with caution.

Aaron started to kiss a path down the younger man’s neck, licking and nibbling until reaching the juncture with the shoulder, where Aaron bit and watched the faint red mark disappear slowly. At that, Spencer let out a surprised gasp and captured the man’s earlobe between his teeth as response, licking and biting softly, meanwhile lowering his hands leisurely down Aaron’s back.

The man groaned and brought his hands to Spencer’s chest, caressing the hard plane and finding it as foreign under his fingers as the stubble had been beneath his lips, but not the least unwelcome. When Aaron reached the hem of the T-shirt and lifted it, touching soft hot skin, Spencer caught Aaron’s wrists and moved the hands away from under his clothes. Confused, Aaron looked at him. What had he done?

“Sorry…” Spencer said, voice deeper than Aaron had ever heard it “I just, think that…” Spencer was very nervous. Even if Aaron hadn’t been a profiler he could have seen it; difficulty swallowing, the change in breathing, the soothing movements Spencer was doing with his thumbs on Aaron’s wrists…

“If you want to stop it’s fine” he heard himself say. Because he may not know what he was doing, but if there was something he did know, was that if Spencer wanted to stop he would do so, and if the other man wanted to keep going... Aaron refocused on Spencer, who smiled sheepishly and sighed. After taking a deep breath the young agent said “I just want to take it slow” His already flushed cheeks reddened even more and Aaron nodded, but his lips were demanding to kiss Spencer for reassurance and so he did. Aaron leaned forward and kissed him one more time, wraping Spencer’s hands with his own and interlocking his fingers with his.

“First of all I’m not a virgin” Spencer said when their lips separated “And I’m very much enjoying this but I doubt you have any experience with men, and I don’t want to be an experiment or a one night stand, and we need to talk about this before going any further. Ok?”

He had said all of it in one go, with his eyes closed for courage, and when he opened them at the end, he looked determined like Aaron had seldom seen him.

“Ok” he said, bringing Spencer’s hands with his around his waist “I don’t know what I’m doing” he confessed, hiding his face against Spencer’s neck, his lips brushing the sensitive skin there and making the younger man shiver “so I agree with you, completely. But we can sleep together right? Before facing reality tomorrow…” Aaron hoped Spencer would agree, following his feelings and facing his desire had exhausted the little energy he had left. Aaron just wanted to sleep with Spencer, feel his body and warmth all around him for a few hours more.

Aaron heard Spencer’s breathing hitch and nod before answering “…ok, just sleep”

They stood like that for long seconds, letting his hearts calm down and his body cool, Spencer’s arms around Aaron and Aaron with his forehead resting on Spencer’s shoulder, his hands caressing the young man’s arms, not all that muscular but making him feel safe. It was so odd, being reassured by the awkward doctor Reid, with his glasses threatening to fall from his nose and his hair sticking in all directions. Aaron let out a laugh and stepped slightly away to take off Spencer’s glasses with one hand and try to tame his wild locks with the other.

“Sleep it is then?” Spencer nodded and kissed him before Aaron moved away completely to make his way to the bed. “It’s ok if I leave just the bathroom light open?”

Spencer looked at him with pleasured surprise and smiled “Yes perfect. You can leave the door half closed if you want” Aaron went to the bathroom, turned on the light and did as Spencer had said, a beam of light dividing the room diagonally, then he went to the light switch for the main room and turned it off.

He had hoped that meanwhile Spencer would've taken the opportunity to undressed, so that when Aaron faced him and the double bed again he’d be already under the covers. It wasn’t like that, not completely. Spencer was seating on the bed in his underwear and T-shirt, taking off his socks. Aaron smiled, a warm feeling taking over his body and making him realize that really, this could work. They would talk about this new path they both wanted to take, what they were expecting out of it… Aaron approached the bed and took out the sheets from under the mattress, making room for him and waiting for Reid to do the same.

They took their time turning and tossing, testing different positions until they found one where both were comfortable, Spencer on his left side facing Aaron, his right arm on top of the other man’s torso, caressing soothing circles on top of the faded T-shirt. Aaron was face up, his right arm trapped under Spencer’s weight. He knew it would fall asleep soon, but he hoped to also be sleeping himself when that occurred, for the time being he was comfortable, his fingers running through the little skin they could reach under Spencer’s T-shirt.

“At what time do we have to leave for the airport?” whispered Spencer.

“I don’t know yet, I’ll let all of you know at breakfast. You wanted to go to the magic shop, right?” Aaron felt Spencer smile against his shoulder.

“Yeah”

“I’ll try to give you a couple hours. But be careful with the boxes on the floor. And the mirrors”

“I’ll have it mind” Spencer kissed Aaron’s shoulder then, and let out a content sigh, already half asleep “Goodnight”

“Goodnight” 

 

FIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone has enjoyed it as much as I did writing it! or more ;)


End file.
